Finger Stew (or, Why the Word of Wisdom is REALLY IMPORTANT)

I don't drink alcoholic beverages. I just don't. I get to say, "It's against my religion," if anyone ever questions that; however, that's not the real reason I don't drink. The real reason is, and always was, I don't drink because I come from a family of alcoholics. I've seen first-hand what alcohol can do to a person (and the people that love him/her). I grew up in an Italian neighborhood in Philadelphia, PA. If anyone has seen the original Rocky movie, THATs my old stomping grounds. Rocky was made in South Philadelphia and the open-air market he runs through was literally my playground. Growing up, most of the Italians in the neighborhood made their own wines (Dago red or Dago white as we lovingly referred to them!). The wines were for drinking and cooking throughout the year, until the next grapes came in. So, cooking with alcohol was never an issue for me. It's perfectly fine to cook with the stuff, just don't drink it!! (The alcohol burns off during the cooking process, leaving just the flavor.)

OK, I say all of this because I was watching Jamie Oliver on the 'net and he made stew. He took the same basic ingredients (2 carrots, 2 celery stalks and 2 medium onions) added a few various ingredients and ended up with four different stews. All looked great and everyone on the show swore they were yummy. His beef stew was using stout ale, 3 bay leaves and 1 lb of beef. I had everything in the house except the ale. (Goes back to that whole I don't drink thing so why would I have beer in the house, eh?) Actually, I didn't have beef in the house, I had bison, but that's beside the point.

So, I went to BiLo to buy a bottle of beer. They only sell six-packs or higher. AND they didn't have Guinness or stout like I was supposed to get. I had to go to the liquor store. While at BiLo, I said to the cashier, "I'm going to have to hang my head in shame and go to the liquor store to get this." She laughed at me. I was serious. I hoped no one I knew saw me going into a LIQUOR store. OK, yeah, I went to the grocery store to buy alcohol, but it's the GROCERY store, no one would have known I was buying alcohol!! But a liquor store? Just put a scarlet D on my chest for "drunkard" why don'cha? So, I go to the liquor store WITH MY INGREDIENTS LIST and ask for the booze. The nice booze-peddler sells me a bottle of Russian stout and says it'll work fine. Sound like a good recipe, blah, blah, blah...

I take my booze home and put it on the counter (still in the brown bag so I don't have to actually look at it), and proceed to grab the veggies to chop. THEN I realize, I haven't sharpened my knife in a long time. I'd better do that so I don't cut myself on a dull knife. (Statistically speaking, you have a higher chance of cutting yourself on a dull knife than on a sharp knife.) So, I get out my electric sharpener and go at it. This baby can not only cut a piece of paper, but I could behead Anne Boleyn if I needed to!

I chopped the carrots and celery with no problem. Got to the onion and had a slight problem: slippery little sucker. I was chopping the second half of the onion wondering, "How does he do this?" (As in make it look so darned easy.) Suddenly, I yelled, "Not like THAT." I chopped the tip of my middle finger (and fingernail) nearly off. There was just a bit of a flap of skin hanging. Boy, did it bleed! Holy crow, I never knew fingers bled worse than head wounds. I stuck my hand under running water to clean the onion juice out of the wound and basically clean the wound. I needed to see how badly I cut myself. But, it wouldn't stop bleeding. I wrapped the thing in a clean towel, held it firmly (enough to cut the flippin' circulation off, actually) and put it in the air. It still bled. 15 minutes later, blood soaking the towel (did I mention it was a white towel? Consider it mentioned.), I got in the truck and drove to the hospital for a couple of stitches.

By the time I got to the triage, the stupid thing stopped bleeding. OK. BEFORE I went in, I unwrapped it to see if it was still bleeding -- why waste time and money if it's not?-- it was still bleeding. I walk in the hospital and a miracle occurs! The blood stops! That is so not fair. I told the nurse since it stopped bleeding I'll just go home. He said, no. You're here let us look at it. The doctor did not stitch the wound. He put dermabond on it. The dermabond lasted until the next day when I washed my hair. Then I had to keep putting "New Skin" and band aids on it. Let me tell you, new skin stinks, burns and doesn't work worth spit! I finally cut the flap off yesterday and stuck some Vaseline on it before I put a band aid on the thing. It actually looks much better today. Today, I used vitamin A & D ointment with the band aid.

Alright. What in the world does this have to do with the Word of Wisdom? Simple. If I didn't buy the beer, I wouldn't have been making Jamie Oliver's beef stew (using bison, mind you). If I wasn't following Jamie Oliver's recipe for beef stew, I would not have been chopping onions. If I had not been chopping onions, I would not have cut the tip of my finger off!!

Now, I could blame all of this on Jamie Oliver. It was his stupid recipe in the first place! However, I think it was the Lord's way of reminding me of the importance of maintaining the Word of Wisdom. He could have sent down a bolt of lightning, but that wouldn't have gotten my attention. Chopping my finger off? Now there's an attention getter. I'll tell you, He's a funny guy, that Lord of ours. Great sense of humor. Don't think so? I've got two words for you: Duckbilled Platypus.

By the way, in case you're wondering, the stew was good, but nothing I'd make again (HA!). Not just because I like my fingers intact, but because it made my house stink. All I can smell is the ale. Uh, why the heck did I make this in the first place? Years ago I had a roast beef sandwich with a stout ale au jus that was awesome. I loved the au jus so much I just wanted to drink it. I thought the stew would be like that. But...not so much.

After this whole chopping-of-the-finger-over-the-ale episode, I'm really starting to re-think the "wine is good to cook with" thing. If I need to cook with wine, that means I have to go back to the liquor store to buy it. What happens then? Do I burn myself? Chop another finger? Set the house on fire? I don't think it's worth the risk.

If the recipe called for coffee, I would NEVER have gone to the store to buy a cuppa joe. I would have used my Roma or some other coffee substitute. So, why is it different with alcohol? The reason is because I didn't "give up" alcohol and I don't really stay away from it strictly because of the Word of Wisdom. My aversion to alcohol isn't out of obedience to the Lord, it is because of first-hand experience with addiction in my family. I know the destruction and do not want anything to do with that.

Coffee? Coffee is an addiction that I'll never get over. I love coffee. I love everything about it. The smell, the process of making it, taking that first sip of a hot cup of coffee. There is really nothing wrong with coffee. Yeah, too much can act as a colon cleanser or get you hyped up a bit too much, but it's not bad like alcohol. You're not going to drink a couple of cups of coffee then get behind the wheel and kill someone because you're too impaired to drive. It doesn't make you do things you wouldn't ever think of if you hadn't been "under the influence" of coffee. I don't know any women that got pregnant because they had just one too many coffees. And that is my problem with coffee. I don't see anything wrong with it. Therefore, I HAVE to stay away from it. Far far away from it. People keep telling me it's OK to drink decaf coffee and you're not breaking the Word of Wisdom. Well, uh, no, it's not OK for me to drink decaf coffee. Because the day they're out of decaf, I'll grab a regular "just this once" and it will be all over for me.

I've never thought of alcohol as a problem for me until yesterday when I was telling Lara about cutting my finger. It never occurred to me that it was because of the Word of Wisdom that I cut myself. I said it as a joke. But the more I think about it, the more I think it's actually true. I'll never be an alcoholic or a drug addict. Those are just not things I would ever do. Thanks to my family, I've "been there, done that, got the t-shirt." In that sense, I've never had a problem with the Word of Wisdom. I gave up tobacco years ago and there's nothing worse than a reformed smoker. The smell of tobacco makes me gag. I'll never go there again. Both of these things, which the Word of Wisdom counsels us to stay away from, I've had first hand knowledge of and I know they are bad for my health and well-being. Why would I want to destroy my health? Especially since it's so fragile to begin with. Ah, but coffee...

The Word of Wisdom is about obedience. I obey the Word of Wisdom because the Lord expects it of me. I have a problem with coffee, so I stay far away from it. I don't want to be tempted to drink it. I'm doing very well, actually. One day, I was really tired and couldn't wake up. On my way to work, I decided to stop and grab a cup of coffee to wake myself up. I stopped. I got a Monster. I never even thought twice about it. I was halfway to the office when I realized I didn't get coffee after all. I was so proud of myself. Even though I actually thought "coffee" and stopped for that specific reason, when I entered the store, that word left my mind and something completely different became the reason for stopping.

I'm looking forward to the day that "coffee" never enters my mind.

But then again, how will I know that day comes if I'm not thinking about coffee? If I say, "Wow, I didn't think about coffee all day today!" that kinda messes it up, because I thought of coffee. The fact that I didn't think of coffee until I made that statement made me think of coffee, which actually makes the statement false, because by saying that I didn't think of coffee, I just thought of coffee; and the whole point is to not think of coffee. Get it?

Love to all!

What is Your Random Life Long Dream?

I was on Yahoo! Answers this evening for a while answering some questions when I noticed one that said: What is your random life long dream? I thought, well, that's easy. The 3 A's. Alaska, Africa and Australia. I had to say why I wanted to go to these places, so there's a little line about each. After reading it, I realized I had to add "Amazon." I thought I was finished. Nope. I added that last sentence. Then I realized, wow! That's really pretty good, I need to put that on my blog. So, here's my spiritual thought for today. At least one I'm willing to write down and share...

Spend at least a year in each of the 4 A's: Alaska, Amazon, Africa and Australia. That's my dream.

I want to watch bald eagles soar unimpeded and see huge blue glaciers calve.

I want to discover new species of animals and meet people that have never used electricity.

I want to watch a herd of elephants cross the savannah and smell the rain from 20 miles away.

I want to see Uluru and swim the Great Barrier Reef.

I want to be able to say, "I saw the face of God, and it is Beautiful."

Rubies in My Life

Proverbs 31:10 "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies."

I used to hate that scripture. Rubies? Why not diamonds? EVERYONE knows how valuable and precious and spectacular diamonds are. Why would you compare a virtuous woman to a dull red stone when you could compare to her to a crystalline, clear stone that reflects light back to you in a myriad of colors, causing delight and beauty? Isn't that what a woman is/does? Rubies my foot. Another proof that the Scriptures were written by men that had absolutely no appreciation for women. Men are pigs.

THEN I watched a National Geographic Video about gemstones. My perspective about that scripture changed immensely. Every time I think of that scripture, I tear up and think of the Rubies in my life. Let me explain.

Diamonds are in fact beautiful. When properly cut, they reflect the light back in a beautiful rainbow. Diamonds are hard and will last (probably) for eternity. To the LDS, "eternity" is meaningful. We truly believe in eternity. It's not just a word; it's a concept. It's a destination we strive for in our daily lives to achieve--with our families.

Diamonds are rare, or so I thought. According to this video I watched, yes they are rare, but compared to OTHER gemstones, diamonds a dime a dozen. The purchase price of a stone is based on all of the factors in getting the stone: digging it out of the earth, polishing it, cutting it, setting it, selling it. Each step of the way, the price goes up a bit. The final purchaser gets the biggest tab. In order to mine one diamond worthy of sale, a huge amount of earth has to be moved and sifted through. I don't remember exactly what it is, let's say for argument's sake it is 1,000 lbs. You'd get about 100 diamonds out of 100,000 lbs of earth. In my ideal world with my perfect mathematical figures.

Rubies on the other hand are not so easy to find. They are a softer gemstone than a diamond is. The same process for diamonds is used for rubies: digging out of the earth, polishing, cutting, setting, selling. Each step adds money to the finished product. For every ruby worthy of sale a much larger amount of earth must be moved and sifted through than a diamond. Again I don't remember exactly the amount, but it was ridiculously more than for a diamond. Let's say 10,000 lbs of earth. So for every 100,000 of earth you move, sift, etc., you've uncovered 10 rubies.

In theory, the cost of removing the earth and searching for the stones is the exact same. It would cost the same if they were looking for amethyst or emeralds or salt for that matter. Same equipment, same gas, same overworked underpaid workers. However, one mine owner gets 100 quality gems for the endeavor. The other mine owner gets 10 quality gems for the endeavor. Who has the most precious gem?

In my 43 years, I've had a lot of women in my life. Many are diamonds. Unfortunately, some were paste. I've had the honor and privilege of knowing three rubies; I think that's a lot for one person to have. These women have given me or taught me something precious about life and about myself that no one else ever did. And they don't even know it. Next to their name on my blog page, I've written what that precious thing is.

So, to all of the diamonds in my life: Thank you. I love you. You are each special and unique and I need you. Please don't be hurt that you didn't get put on that other list. Diamonds are a girl's best friends!!

I'm a Mormon. A really lousy Mormon.

I needed to make this blog because... Well, I needed to. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As the title of this post says, I'm a "Mormon." I'm actually a lousy Mormon. I haven't been to Church in about a year and a half. I don't know why. Well, actually I do, but it's a really dumb reason, no need to bore anyone with the particulars. Just suffice it to say, I'm too lazy to get myself out of bed and shower/dress on Sunday mornings. I don't pray. I don't read my scriptures. I pretty much don't do anything I'm supposed to do to be a good Christian.

But you know the really weird thing? I LOVE my Church. I love being a "Mormon." I have no doubt in my mind that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. I have no doubt in my mind that the Book of Mormon is true. I know that Jesus lives and he loves me. I know that he is my Savior. He died on the cross for my sins so I can return to my Heavenly Father. I know my Heavenly Father loves me. I know I am a Child of God. I know Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of God and holds all the keys/powers of the Priesthood in this dispensation. I know that Dieter F. Uchtdorf is one heck of a good-looking guy.

Too bad we stopped that plural marriage thing 150 years ago. I think he'd have all the women lined up. I know I'd knock everyone out to be first. Oh, wow! Maybe that's the key to getting me back into Church. A huge picture of President Uchtdorf behind the podium for me to stare at. It's a thought. Oops! I digress. See what I mean about being a lousy Mormon? Who actually POSTS their crushes/fantasies about the 2nd Counselor of the First Presidency? That is SICK. I should be exterminated. I mean excommunicated.

Actually, back to being serious, there are a great number of times that I get "stuck" on a topic and have no where to go with it. I don't keep a journal (see title of post). My mother is Catholic and if I mention anything remotely spiritual she manages to go on about the Catholics. Like I care? If I did, I wouldn't have changed religions eons ago, ya know, mom? (I've got nothing against the Catholics. I'm just not into them.) Actually, it's funny, if I said, "President Hinkley said..." She automatically came back with, "The Pope said..." It's like who's leader is smarter/better/closer to God. She'd pick the most obscure things out of the air.

Me: President Hinckley said not to get "body art" because it destroys the Divine body the Lord has given to you.

Mom: The Pope said "Don't eat meat on Friday even when it's not Lent."

Me: "Uh, OK. Why can't you eat meat even when it's not Lent?"

Mom: "The Pope said so."

Me: "Oh, now THAT clears everything up."

So anyway, this is turning into a stand-up monologue--so very typical of me, I decided that I needed to create a blog for my spiritual side. You might actually get to see it at some point. Obviously not now. Although I do have to explain one of the sidebars and how it came to be. You know what. I'm going to do that in its own post. Why put something sacred with something stupid?